But My Dog Ate (& Then Regurgitated) & Then Ate (& Then Regurgitated) & Then Ate (& Then Regurgitated) My Homework

To anyone (anyone?) who might've wondered why I haven't been updating for the last two months or so, I would like to say that I do plan to update more frequently now that a number of crises have passed. I had this wicked bad case of the clap plus a gall stone, so I kept havin' ta piss, like alla time, but whenever I did, horrible searing lances of pain would shoot all up & down my rod & my staff.

And I know you're thinking that a shotta penicilin should've cleared that dose I had right up--& I did too--but turns out--somehow--I am allergic to penicilin. Funny I didn't notice it before. But so I did go to the free VD clinic, and but they did gimme the shot, & then I went into anaphylactic shock & my throat swelled up to the approximate width of a 200 year old sequoia & then they hadda use the paddles on me & I said stop paddlin' me I'm not into S&M. Hahahahahahaha!!! But they didn't think that was funny.

Anyhoo so I went home sans penicilin. They gave me some other sorta antibiotic antiviral whatever the fuck the clap is pills and said it might take a coupla days for me to really feel better. So I went home & kept havin' to leak & then scream & the asshole couple who live next door to me had the, um, well, er, uh, the gall to complain about the noise!

So ya know what I did to those assholes? (My neighbors, I mean.) After they stopped banging on the wall, but I didn't stop screaming, they finally came over & pounded on the door. But I was ready for 'em. I opened the door & becuz I kept havin' to piss alla time, I opened the door & pissed all over them!!!! Ha! That showed 'em!!!

Unfortunately I couldn't appreciate their cries of disgust cuz I was too busy rolling around on the door stoop & shrieking like Mariah Carey. And once the pain had receded enough for me to hear them tellin' me they were gonna go call the cops! And I said Mark & Cynthia, you just go ahead & call 'em, cuz then I'll tell them about all that PCP you ingest & plus sell to others for the purpose of ingesting.

(And now that I think about it was prob. stupid for me to go pissing off, and on, somebodies who habitually abuse PCP. But I musta caught 'em at the end of a "high." Cuz they didn't rip my head off then crack it open & then drink the juices that might flow from it as 'tho it 'twere a grapefruit. Nope, they didn't do that.)

And they backed down a little but where I finally got 'em to shut the fuck up & go away was when I threatened to narc 'em out to their grandkids who are always comin' over to check on 'em. Fuckin' octogenarians. I hate 'em.

But I screamed & fainted on & off for several days & then finally I passed the stone & now I'm all better & I'll never have intercourse of any form, not even simulated, w/ the other party (whom decorum forbids me to name) again. Or be fucked by 'em. So there.

Anyhoo this all fucked w/ my workload as you can well imagine, so to catch up on my lost income, I've been aggressively soliciting work. (But not sex. Never again. I've learned my lesson.) And that's made it hard for me to update my blog real regularly.

Plus oh yeah I forgot something. My computer crashed. And got fixed. And crashed. And got fixed, And crashed. And got fixed. Several times.

Pretty quick, the "geniuses" (not a lame attempt @ sarcasm--that's what they call 'em @ the store) at the Apple store on Mich. Ave. knew me not just on a first name basis but so well that I felt entirely comfortable updating them on my struggles w/ the clap & alla that--regularly.

So I was lacking my regular computer & therefore my internet access--as well as well as to other computin' resources--was strictly limited. And thus so no bloggin'. And I've written more about that. And I'll put it up soon. And I've got more Hawaii/Zappa stuff too. (Not too long till that trip to HI. will've been a year in the past for fuck's sake.) But in the interest of actually updating some time this year, I'm gonna end it here.

Oh yeah. And it's also comin' up on the second anniversary of the birth of this here blog. I've got some stuff I'd like to say about that as well. And if any of you multitudes of readers have nominations for categories like Best Use of Real Good Grammar &/or Grammas, Most Excessively Boring Entry, Best Guest Star, (Harold Washington really wants your vote, but then so does Belmondo,) Most Excessively Pissy & Unprovoked Attack on Some Undeserving Famous Person, or Best Pissy & Unprovoked on Some Deserving Person, please lemme know. Remember: your vote matters.

So long for now. Hope all is cool where you are...