My boyfriend googled "felching," and all I got was this stupid blog...

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Hello. I'm Steve Forceman, P.I.

This is not a proper blog entry. This is a public apology.

To those of you who found this blog by googling "braided pubic hair," "dildo force," "George Clooney's ass," and the like, I would like to express my deepest regrets. You account for most of my hits these days, and I suspect you're not finding what you're looking for here.

I am truly, deeply sorry.

('Course now that I've repeated some of the above phrases, I may have increased the likelihood of drawing more of you here. Ah fuck. Like Johnny Thunders said, it doesn't pay to try...)

What's more, I do not mean to suggest that such visitors are not well-rounded human beings. Who knows? Maybe you enjoyed the earnest but murky consideration of the death penalty offered in the recent entry below. (It was also boring. Man, I hate it when I get earnest.)

I have almost finished a "proper" entry. In it, I vow to avoid subjects like gerbling or necrophilia unless I have something constructive to say about them. Mother always said, if you can't say something sexy, don't say anything at all...

Again, please accept my sincerest apologies.

Thank you.

Steve Forceman, P.I.



P.S. If you're Elizabeth Elmore, whatever drew you here, please, drop me a line...

P.P.S. I also resolve to avoid using "google" as a verb. I hate that.